my surgery was for nothing! maybe you can come up with a good reason, but now i cannot. last month i was put on birth control because nurse found a cyst on my right ovary. the right one being the one that the dr still favors over my left even after surgery. yesterday after going back to the dr to see if said cyst went away with b.c. we found out it only got bigger! so now the problem i had on my left side prior to surgery is the same problem i have now on my "better" side. we didn't even really get to try since my surgery and we are already back to square one.
we told the nurse that we are frustrated because of all this and she said we should probably think about going to IVF then. IVF has a higher success rate and will bypass my problem (my ovaries and fallopian tubes). We agree that this is the next best option. However, we've already spent thousands of dollars to get this far with nothing to show for it, and IVF is at least $9,000, and that doesn't include anesthesia or meds. Meds for the IVF process cost between $3,000 and $5,000!! That's all for ONE try! She said we have good chances because we are young.
I'm at the point where I'm so emotionally and physically crippled by the grief this whole process has caused me. I'm trying so hard to figure out ways to cut my stress and add stress relief and find faith and hope and its the hardest thing i've ever had to do. But i don't want to give up. Giving up means giving up on my dreams for my life and my life itself i feel like.
then last night i saw a women walking down the street, pregnant, smoking a cigarette. i wanted to yell at her and beat her face in. seriously, i'm sorry if you smoked while you were pregnant, my mom smoked with me; but after you realize what a total fucking miracle getting pregnant is and then you see someone seemingly taking it for granted like that you want to shake them. and of course I would see someone like that specifically on an especially difficult day for me. i can't catch a break.
we have an appt in a couple weeks to talk to the dr more in depth about what would be involved for us trying IVF and one with the financial advisor to talk about what our exact costs would be and loans. for now i'm on birth control again cause if you do IVF you have to be on it for a month before anyways. don't ask, i'd don't get it either. that's the one thing i've learned from all this fertility stuff: you think you know something, and then you realize how much you really don't. then you think you know some more after awhile, and then nope you still really don't.
