baby doll syndrome

when i was about 2 or 3 years old i decided i needed to bring all my baby dolls upstairs(we had a half underground family room down 7 steps). instead of taking say one or two dolls at a time i decided that i should try to carry as many as possible at once. i mean why make a ton a trips when you could just make one big one, right? mind you i had a good amount of baby dolls because all i ever wanted to be was a mommy when i grew up. let me tell you, some things never change, in more ways than one.

well i tried to carry too many babies with me and when i got to the top of the stairs(the kitchen with tile flooring), i fell backward and when i landed at the bottom i cracked my skull open on the base board of the stairs. my mom picked me up and i will never forget my brother and dad freaking out(boys-pfft!). so i got my head stitched up. my mom said i did amazingly well, especially considering that i would flip out for shots and needles, which makes me laugh since i later became a phlebotomist. i even got a stuffed alvin from the chipmunks for being so good :)

so you think that i might have learned something from all this, but no. i still try to carry way too much stuff at once, both literally and figuratively. i laugh to myself every time i restock the stuffed animals at work because i always have too many in my arms, but hey it's fun to carry a bunch of cuddly critters in your arms! last night corey coined the term "baby doll syndrome" to me since i was obsessing over what i should obsess with next in order to keep my mind off the things that i want next in my life. i keep mental hording too many things for myself to do and "carry" in order to get away from the things that i already have to carry.

are we all like this? do we always want the next thing as soon as we get the thing that we've been waiting for forever? you can't wait till you get your license, you can't wait till you graduate high school, then it's college so you can use that awesome degree, then you are waiting for that perfect person to come along and then if only you could just have a house then everything would be perfect, and then kids and then you are always wondering what legacy you are leaving behind. i always feel like i'm waiting for that next big thing. if i could just have the one thing, things would be perfect right? you wait forever, and then you finally get it and now you need that other thing to make everything complete right? when does it end? is it suppose to end? i mean in a way aren't we as humans suppose to keep wanting more...i mean at least always striving to be better people and keep growing right? but there has to be a balance as always. to paraphrase yoda, my mind is never on where i am and what i am doing. i'm always looking to the future, to the horizon :)

so my prayer is that God would give me peace and happiness with where i am and what i am doing right now and to leave the rest with him. then i need to pray to remember that i just prayed all that five minutes later when my mind starts to wander again ;)

serious reflections on my birthday

if you were to take away one thing from the teachings of Jesus, what would it be? i think the answer for most people would hopefully be the obvious, forgiveness.
in my head i always think that Jesus is love and forgiveness and as a christian that is what i need to emulate to the rest of the world. i think that forgiveness can be an umbrella over more than one thing, including love and mercy. after all, wouldn't you have to come from a place of love and mercy to offer forgiveness?

i'm hugely disappointed in many christians however, because i feel that they forget all this. i'm not sure why either. but perhaps we are all a little too worldly especially in this crazy consumerist, 'i'm more important than everyone else' attitude that is the united states. because i think one could also argue that out of selfishness comes many sins that pollute the mind and then we all loose focus on how we are too live and walk differently. just think what an amazing world we would live in if people really followed the golden rule and were forgiving and loving to one another. of course that will not be in the world as we know it now, but one day it will be.

the other thing i think we do is put certain people in our lives on pedestals, maybe not just a single person, but maybe even groups of people like christians for example. no one is perfect and at some point someone is going to let you down, and don't be surprised when its that person or persons that you've put on a pedestal. but in remembering that you also are not perfect and have let either yourself or others down, you can come to that place of forgiveness and mercy for others.

if you have trouble with this, as we all do at times, pray that God will soften your heart and the hearts of others so we can all live as better examples of who Jesus was and is. there is nothing you can do or anyone else can do that God won't forgive. He loves His creation, just like you love your children, or pets, or paintings or poems or whatever it is that you have created in your life. but He loves you more than any man or woman are able. how wonderful it would be if we could all offer that kind of love to each other.

i'm still a little kid

i still get excited about kid things like meeting the calcio critter cat, toys, animals, and coloring etc. most of my favorite books are children's books like the grumpy cat and little wolf's song (some new favorites). i'm forever in love with hello kitty of course!
i had a great childhood. i think that most people look at their childhood and think that those were the good times. you don't really have to worry about anything. everything is provided for you and you can just play all day. i don't even remember worrying about homework till like 4th grade.
i think it's important to stay kid-like in some things especially when it comes to enjoying life. don't worry about the stuff you can't control, enjoy the little things like maybe stickers or getting a hot chocolate from your favorite cafe, and slow down and take some time to just be. take a walk outside or gaze out your window. remember when you didn't judge anyone or worry about anyone judging you? try that again! play games with your friends and family and go to the zoo and get excited about seeing your favorite animal and get your picture in front of it.

and finally, try seeing God through the eyes of you as a kid and just talk to him like he was sitting right next to you. afterall, God is your father, you are His precious child. He cares about what you care about and wants to give you the desires of your heart because He put them there to begin with ;)

on halloween i went skipping to the sanrio 50th anniversary tour bus. although i missed getting my picture with hello kitty, i had a blast and was so happy i got the chance to go and get some fun goodies. i was joyful to have a moment just like i was 5 all over again.