baby doll syndrome

when i was about 2 or 3 years old i decided i needed to bring all my baby dolls upstairs(we had a half underground family room down 7 steps). instead of taking say one or two dolls at a time i decided that i should try to carry as many as possible at once. i mean why make a ton a trips when you could just make one big one, right? mind you i had a good amount of baby dolls because all i ever wanted to be was a mommy when i grew up. let me tell you, some things never change, in more ways than one.

well i tried to carry too many babies with me and when i got to the top of the stairs(the kitchen with tile flooring), i fell backward and when i landed at the bottom i cracked my skull open on the base board of the stairs. my mom picked me up and i will never forget my brother and dad freaking out(boys-pfft!). so i got my head stitched up. my mom said i did amazingly well, especially considering that i would flip out for shots and needles, which makes me laugh since i later became a phlebotomist. i even got a stuffed alvin from the chipmunks for being so good :)

so you think that i might have learned something from all this, but no. i still try to carry way too much stuff at once, both literally and figuratively. i laugh to myself every time i restock the stuffed animals at work because i always have too many in my arms, but hey it's fun to carry a bunch of cuddly critters in your arms! last night corey coined the term "baby doll syndrome" to me since i was obsessing over what i should obsess with next in order to keep my mind off the things that i want next in my life. i keep mental hording too many things for myself to do and "carry" in order to get away from the things that i already have to carry.

are we all like this? do we always want the next thing as soon as we get the thing that we've been waiting for forever? you can't wait till you get your license, you can't wait till you graduate high school, then it's college so you can use that awesome degree, then you are waiting for that perfect person to come along and then if only you could just have a house then everything would be perfect, and then kids and then you are always wondering what legacy you are leaving behind. i always feel like i'm waiting for that next big thing. if i could just have the one thing, things would be perfect right? you wait forever, and then you finally get it and now you need that other thing to make everything complete right? when does it end? is it suppose to end? i mean in a way aren't we as humans suppose to keep wanting more...i mean at least always striving to be better people and keep growing right? but there has to be a balance as always. to paraphrase yoda, my mind is never on where i am and what i am doing. i'm always looking to the future, to the horizon :)

so my prayer is that God would give me peace and happiness with where i am and what i am doing right now and to leave the rest with him. then i need to pray to remember that i just prayed all that five minutes later when my mind starts to wander again ;)

serious reflections on my birthday

if you were to take away one thing from the teachings of Jesus, what would it be? i think the answer for most people would hopefully be the obvious, forgiveness.
in my head i always think that Jesus is love and forgiveness and as a christian that is what i need to emulate to the rest of the world. i think that forgiveness can be an umbrella over more than one thing, including love and mercy. after all, wouldn't you have to come from a place of love and mercy to offer forgiveness?

i'm hugely disappointed in many christians however, because i feel that they forget all this. i'm not sure why either. but perhaps we are all a little too worldly especially in this crazy consumerist, 'i'm more important than everyone else' attitude that is the united states. because i think one could also argue that out of selfishness comes many sins that pollute the mind and then we all loose focus on how we are too live and walk differently. just think what an amazing world we would live in if people really followed the golden rule and were forgiving and loving to one another. of course that will not be in the world as we know it now, but one day it will be.

the other thing i think we do is put certain people in our lives on pedestals, maybe not just a single person, but maybe even groups of people like christians for example. no one is perfect and at some point someone is going to let you down, and don't be surprised when its that person or persons that you've put on a pedestal. but in remembering that you also are not perfect and have let either yourself or others down, you can come to that place of forgiveness and mercy for others.

if you have trouble with this, as we all do at times, pray that God will soften your heart and the hearts of others so we can all live as better examples of who Jesus was and is. there is nothing you can do or anyone else can do that God won't forgive. He loves His creation, just like you love your children, or pets, or paintings or poems or whatever it is that you have created in your life. but He loves you more than any man or woman are able. how wonderful it would be if we could all offer that kind of love to each other.

i'm still a little kid

i still get excited about kid things like meeting the calcio critter cat, toys, animals, and coloring etc. most of my favorite books are children's books like the grumpy cat and little wolf's song (some new favorites). i'm forever in love with hello kitty of course!
i had a great childhood. i think that most people look at their childhood and think that those were the good times. you don't really have to worry about anything. everything is provided for you and you can just play all day. i don't even remember worrying about homework till like 4th grade.
i think it's important to stay kid-like in some things especially when it comes to enjoying life. don't worry about the stuff you can't control, enjoy the little things like maybe stickers or getting a hot chocolate from your favorite cafe, and slow down and take some time to just be. take a walk outside or gaze out your window. remember when you didn't judge anyone or worry about anyone judging you? try that again! play games with your friends and family and go to the zoo and get excited about seeing your favorite animal and get your picture in front of it.

and finally, try seeing God through the eyes of you as a kid and just talk to him like he was sitting right next to you. afterall, God is your father, you are His precious child. He cares about what you care about and wants to give you the desires of your heart because He put them there to begin with ;)

on halloween i went skipping to the sanrio 50th anniversary tour bus. although i missed getting my picture with hello kitty, i had a blast and was so happy i got the chance to go and get some fun goodies. i was joyful to have a moment just like i was 5 all over again.

why i hate other dog owners...just one example among many

first lesson: dogs don't speak english. they respond to nonverbal language, a good portion of it so subtle most will never notice. they also respond to tone of voice.

so if you tell your dog to come to you when you are super pissed off he's going to think to himself "hells no i'm not going near you". if you're lucky he could be a super obedient dog and come anyways, but in the pea brained mind of most stupid dog owners, one would probably scold him anyways, even though he did what you asked him to do even after you made an ass of yourself for yelling at him for something he did who knows how long ago and will never make the connection that you are yelling at him for something he did in the past versus what he just did or experienced with you in the last 1 second.

yes, dogs live in the moment. even if you point at a mess(i.e. bathroom break or chewed up fill in the blank) he made 5 seconds to two days ago he will never realize that the act of what he did was wrong, he will only determine that you + me + my "mess" = bad. so this is especially important if you want to house train your dog. because if you do yell at him enough for a mess in the house he will never do anything with you outside either because you+me+my mess=bad, it doesn't matter where you are.

some of you might be saying well my dog knows when he does something bad because he looks guilty. well congratulations of anthropomorphizing too much! dogs don't feel guilt. they are just way more awesome at reading body language than you. so he knows that you are upset about something before you even realize it and is scared of you because he knows what's coming next. so congratulations also on being that scary, crazy and unpredictable person in your dog's life.

so like i said dog's live in the moment. you need to reward or punish within 1 second to get your point across to your dog. and thanks to cesar milan, i'm guessing most people will overdue the punish part and still be that scary, crazy and unpredictable person who now jumps to conclusions in your dog's life. because grabbing your dog's collar and rolling him over on his back is the absolute last warning in dog language after at least 5 prior ones, not the first.

this rant is brought to you in part by a-hole in petsmart parking lot who yelled as his dog for 5 minutes even after the dog obeyed him to get into the car. good job, a-hole, now your dog thinks going out with you sucks, obeying you to get in the car sucks, and oh yeah being along for the car ride sucks too. don't worry though, you aren't alone, millions of other dog owners are just like you.

poetry i've been feeling creative lately-what else is new you ask?? :P

Oh constant cover of clouds
Like a song over my heart
How I've longed for you
You cover me softly bending me
To wait patiently for you
Open and pour out your blessing
From above
Beautiful, pure, cleansing rain
Wash away, bringing life

cuffs!

just playing catch up of what was going on while i was on vacation the last week and half. new item to soon arrive on etsy shop

bear hat!

here's for all the baby bears out there ;)

lastest knit completed and yet to be listed

this could be a contender for the item i'm going to enter in my local knit shop's fashion show let me know what you think ;)

pastels from a couple months ago

forgot to post them :)

not just on etsy anymore!

i have a shop at cafepress now.
www.cafepress.com/eiredynamics
you will find shirts, buttons, and more! mostly animal related of course. a portion of my profits will go to my favorite animal shelters and organizations :)
using cafe press for that kinda stuff is so much easier than buying all the stuff to make them myself at home and selling them on etsy so hence the two separate stores. i'm really excited about being to able to express my creativity further.

Top 5!

so my lovely friend, melinda, asked me over email today to list my top five WA discoveries. i thought that was a great catching up question and since everyone keeps asking how it's going i thought i'd share with you as well :)
top 5 (so far-i still have more discovering to do, i mean i haven't even really looked for tea shops yet! :P)
1)starbucks! i know it's been around but i still remember discovering it on my first trip here back in the 90's haha!
2) forks-it's not just for vampires or vampire lovers. it's in the olympic national park which is a rainforest and it's absolutely gorgeous. not to mention a beautiful beach near by at the quileute indian rez.
3)pike pace market-local goodies what else do i need to say? ;)
4) frost doughnuts- the most amazing food you'll ever put in your mouth with all their crazy flavors.
5) seattle is clean and green. there's lots of recycling and composting going on. this is the first apt we've lived in that actually has a recycling program!

some poems i found lying around

so i'm kinda like emily dickenson in that i randomly write things wherever i am on anything i can find. so here's some i found recently. i believe they are from last year.


1)
i stand alone in the valley.
the dirt kicks up around me as the stallions and fillies pass by me.
even though i'm weak and vulnerable,
wild horses couldn't drag me away.
i open my hands,
receiving their strength.
i stand my ground as they roar by.
i will stay.
i will stay with you.

2)Things i miss/remember about chicago
looking at the skyline.
watching the green of the river slowly fade from st. patrick's day.
the air with it's musky scent from the river and the dust of the city.
the same homeless people in the usual spots that you've gotten to know over the years and given weird names to.
memorizing the stops on the brown line.
all of the latest exhibits at the art institute.
depaul and columbia students in their artsy, punk clothes and attitudes.
history.
culture.

3)
i am small and lonely,
soft like china,
trying so hard to find a place to land.

on my mind

we made the move to the pacific northwest. i love it here. perfect weather with lots of greenery :) i've been taking some time again to try and promote my etsy store. excited about some new items i'm getting together.

don't know what i'm doing for other work yet, but have some possibilities. i'm tempting to go home to chicago early since it seems nothing seems to need me to be here yet, but at the same time i don't really want to leave :P i'd rather just wait and travel with corey.

i've been super lazy about working out and doing yoga. and have simultaneously realized that my puppy is fat. well not as fat as some people's dogs, but puppy needs to loss a few pounds. and he is also being lazy with me. i felt like i was dragging him on our walk yesterday.

also playing with ideas to start a cafepress store for my ideas that are not knitted :) too many things in my head and not enough time in a day HA!

moving to seattle

can't wait to move to the pacific north west.
woke up at 6:30 this am couldn't sleep anymore. larry has been to the litter box like three times already - he got into the treats yesterday when i forgot to seal that box. we have the most amazing friends here. i feel so much better now that we had help packing our kitchen last night.
tomorrow i will need to stock up on my favorite tea here cause i don't know if the tea shops in seattle will have tangerine ginger or not, but i am grateful they have tea shops period :) looks of art stuff up there too so i'm excited to see what the opportunities will be.
corey's friend lives where we are moving to as well so i'm excited about the town. it sounds really pretty, dog friendly with lots of places to walk the puppy :)

Just Passing Through

So i was thinking today as i was driving around my neighborhood that i've never really felt like utah is home or ever gotten used to it yet. i've always felt unsettled. there may be other reasons for that feeling. even other places i've visited more than once i feel more comfortable with than i do here. i know that i am just passing through utah, i never see it as a final destination this is where i'm going to settle.
and then i thought you know as christians we are not from earth nor is it our final destination. we are just passing through, but kinda funny how again i feel more comfortable in certain places over others.
how often do we stop and think hey i'm just passing through this is just the small picture?

next thing

so this is the new thing i'm working on for etsy and for fundraising for my favorite animal shelter hopefully :)
i'm making greeting cards out of these little baby canvases btw

barn house

i'm really enjoying my new job at the art store. i've been learning custom framing which is so cool.
today i learned how to do brush stroking which is when they take a print of what was originally an oil or acyrilic painting and mimic the brush strokes of the artist with a gel medium. it's really cool. so i brush stroked the barn print and then did the fitting/framing of as well :)

cookbook

so my mom works at crate and barrel and she called a couple weeks ago asking if i knew who giada the cook was. i was like no i have no idea. so she was all excited because this famous cook giada was coming for a book signing to her store. she wanted to find someone who knew who she was so she could get a book signed for someone if they wanted. so i was like no i have no idea. so my mom said oh it's funny cause men always know who she is because she's very pretty.
so i get off the phone with her and tell corey oh my mom called talking about some cook who was coming to sign books and she was wanted to find someone who cared to get a book signed. i said her name was giada or something. and corey said "what?! i know who that is!" so i totally laughed at him and explained what my mom said about guys knowing who she was. so he said oh yeah it's true he used to watch her show all the time.
so i called my mom back and said she had to get a copy of her book and have it signed. so she said ok to both of us? and i said oh know have her sign it just to corey ;) lol
so today we got it in the mail.
totally awesome!

whats going on

I've just been working on stuff for my etsy shop. that's been kinda my full time job right now. i've been nervous to go out there and start a yoga job because i don't know if we are staying or going ever. but at the same time i'm starting to freak out that i haven't been teaching. i just feel frozen.
but i have lots of great ideas for craft/art projects for my business and so on. i love creating. i've totally become a loose leaf tea snob now. i can actually tell the difference in the taste of tea when it's loose leaf vs a bag.

my awesome husband just finished my official etsy store logo. i totally am in love with it and my business cards are on their way!! :)

Tea House Review

Beehive Tea Room:

I love the atmosphere and music. It's a kind of classy kitch with old english style decor and 40's music. The tea is amazing with some of my absolute favorites across the board. You can have a cup or tea and a snack or you can make a reservation for an afternoon tea service. The afternoon tea service is wonderful. I love the scones. I believe the have the best sandwiches. The dessert is also exquisite! Overall, the Beehive is my favorite place to go for tea and goodies, but it is a little more pricy. You have to pay extra for this tiny jar of devonshire cream for scones, which to me is a must. Compared to the Grand Hotel Tea service they are pretty much the same price, but at the Grand you get unlimited cream for your scones and lemon curd. Not sure why Beehive doesn't just make their own cream. For me, that is their only down side at this time. I think the staff is general friendly, and very good at giving you time but not forgetting about you :)One other down side is that when offering a resteeping it is just more hot water, so the tea is not the same. I compare this to the Tea Grotto where when asked if I wanted a free resteeping, I replied that more hot water would be great, the waitress was appalled and said you need to have fresh tea or it will ruin the tea.
I give the Beehive 4 out of 5.

The Grand Hotel Tea Service:

Very fancy and beautiful hotel. Great for a special occasion. The food was all very good. The waitress was very good at bring us more of anything we needed at no extra charge. For a very special occasion you can upgrade to have champagne with your service. I have only tried one of their teas, it was very good, but i don't think they have as big a selection as other tea places. The food was very good, but i still like Beehive better, despite the clotted cream issue :)
I give The Grand is 3 out of 5.

Tea Grotto:

Tea Grotto is a very different tea place compared to those previously discussed. It is more of a yogi/asian experience. It's a very relaxing environment with plenty of yummy teas to choose from. The service is great with very friendly staff. There is no tea service like an afternoon tea though. They have some muffins and things but not your traditional scones and sandwiches. The food they do have is very good and good for you. Great tea selection and they offer that free resteeping with fresh tea leaves as i mentioned before. They are accompanied by someone who sells gelato and crepes, which i also highly recommend. When i ordered the crepes with a friend they were short so my friend got a muffin instead. We had stayed so long however, that the cook had made more crepes during the time we sat and chatted, so she brought over a crepe on the house because she felt so awful that they were short when we wanted to order. Very very good! Even though the Grotto and the Beehive are quite different places their teas and service are really great. I recommend the Tea Grotto for a more informal gathering of friends, like say instead of going to Starbucks ;)

I give the Tea Grotto a 4 out of 5 as well.

trip home to chicago

the first part of my trip i was at my dad's. we went to some of my favorite restaurants in the south burbs like pancake house and aurelios pizza. we also watched alot of the olympics which was cool. i met with my friend juli for coffee. then when i got back up to my mom's i went to work at my job for the day. that is always awesome. i miss them so much! my mom and i went to my most favorite restaurant. i hung out with my friend brandi at the mall of course, but dr. todd did not drive us :( hehe
i had tea with our family friend bill and my aunt pat, lunch with carrie, and got to see more family friends carolyn and gary. i also went to my old yoga class and got to catch up with my yoga instructor which was so nice and got good feedback from her! got my hair done by my friend mindy as well. and went to see my uncle and have dinner with him. we joked about grandpa watching the olympics just like old times. then i went downtown to see my brother and whitney. whitney switch her work schedule to spend more time with me. i thought that was so sweet, that and she got me a couple hello kitty necklaces that i totally love! we went to the disney store and some other shops and to dinner. then jeffrey and i walked through millennium park and to the art institute to see the new modern wing. and then of course i had to say hi to my favorite painting by rogier van der weyden(it's the only painting we have of his). on our way out of the museum we saw puppetbike.com with cute little kitten puppets that posed for a picture. i love puppets!! my last day i got to have coffee with my dad after work just like old times. i hate leaving my dad. i miss him the most i think. then i had dinner with my parents at our old restaurant with our favorite bar tender dave :) classic! my mom and i also got to stop and see my uncle tom who had a lay over at o'hare for a bit. it was good to see that everyone i love back home is doing well.

life so far

almost a certified yoga instructor. finished my mentorship, turned in my final exam even though i was nervous to do so. teaching last class on friday for a grade.

in the process of setting up my etsy site. just need good pics of products.

waiting to go visit home and still waiting for money. isn't it so heartbreaking that so much depends on that?
all up in the air

2010 continuted dettachment

my lesson for 2009 was letting go of stuff and expectations. trying to continue that by periodically going through my clothes and crap and giving it all away. simplify simplify. but i must take baby steps because sometimes i just want to purge everything because in my head i know that none of it matters, but then i think i might need that at some point. :P stupid head arguing with itself. but i think when we eventually move from this apartment it will be a lot easier to down size more. i do not want to move all this crap again.